Understanding Missional Marriage Through the Bible
Living Out Ephesians 5:33
(Part 1)
Before we begin with Ephesians 5:33 , “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband,” we must first consider Philippians 4:13 , “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
There will be times or you might have already experienced or that you are currently in the time when your marriage seems like it’s impossible to connect, heal or understand your relationship. In the United States, the divorce rate is at 50%, which means that one out of two people separate and this rate is similar for Christian couples. This is why Jesus needs to be at the center of our marriage (not religion). Married couples have much going on in life: children, work (career), finance (house budget or paying the bills), family, and so forth needs our attention, energy, and direction. It is when we understand how to surrender all with all the stress in life to God and allow Him to work in us and through us as a “missional marriage,” we gain a greater sense of our purpose and meaning. Your marriage will have a greater mission in life than just finding someone to connect with and survive. As a "missional marriage" God will help you thrive and live a life full of joy and direction. To help us thrive in our marriage and direction, God’s greatest command to start is to love Him with all our heart, soul, strength and mind. When we do this then God gives us the second greatest commandment to love our neighbors as yourself ( Luke 10:27 ). Even with much trials and testing, your marriage will grow and be a blessing to many and we can truly "do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
So, let's begin with some questions to consider:
Where is your marriage headed?
Are we living out Ephesians 5:33?
To have a good understanding of what Ephesians 5:33 would look like for us to act and live it out, we must first understand what the Bible is teaching us in the context in which it is written, so we can allow God’s Word’s to heal our hearts and surrender to Him in order for us to live it out. So, before, we begin, I need to ask you one more question: Are you willing to obey God’s Word?
No matter how much you study or learn God’s Word, if we are not willing to surrender and obey His Words, then “Living it Out” is impossible, because our hearts are not ready to repent before the Lord. The Holy Spirit cannot penetrate into our hearts, because we don’t allow God to do so. Thus in the book Luke 9:23 , “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. If we are to follow Jesus and have our marriage work, we must “deny himself” or surrender our pride, flesh, control, and desires and “take up his cross” (God’s words, Jesus death on the cross), and then we can “follow” with full obedience to His direction. And, when this happens, you and your spouse will move towards a “missional marriage” with a purpose and a blessing to your children and family.
Let’s start with a shocker:
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” ( Ephesians 5:22 )
“I ain’t going to submit to my husband!”
“I’m not going to submit to him because he doesn’t deserve it!”
“Why should I be a rug for him to walk all over me!”
“He should be listening to me because I know things he doesn’t.”
“What country are we living in? We don’t do this in America!”
“We both work and we both deserve to work with each other and listen to each other.”
O.K., your voices are loud and clear.
But does what “submission” mean for the wife to be “compliant”, “submitting to the authority or control of another” especially your husband? When we think of the word “submission” most people consider this word as negative, abusive, and as a slave to be thrown away. Remember, the devil is good at deceiving and turning God’s love and His compassion into what the world wants us to see for “submission.” Let’s not be fooled by the devil and his tactics of deception.
To get a grasp of Ephesians 5:22-33, we need to take a look at the beginning of Ephesians 5:1 to begin our understanding about “submission,” “respect” and “love.” (Please read through all of Ephesians chapter 5 before progressing and if possible, for both the husband and the wife to read together)
“Therefore be imitators of God , as beloved children. and walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God” ( Ephesians 5:1-2 ).
Wow! This is a loaded start but gives us a clue towards “submission, respect, and love” in building our marriage. Another way of saying “imitators” is to say:
- Follow God’s example
- Followers of God
- Do as God does
What is God asking us to do? What do the “imitators of God” look like? Ephesians 5:1 begins with the word “Therefore” so we must first look at the words right before this verse and see Ephesians 4:31-32 .
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Within the body of the church and in many of the marriages, there were much bitterness, wrath (strong vengeful anger, strong words to fight back), anger (a strong feeling of displeasure), clamor (noisy shouting), slander (utterance of false charges, misrepresentations which defame, damage another's reputation or credibility, or basically to hurt one another’s feelings), and all malice (desire to cause pain, injury, or distress to one another). These were Christians or believers hurting one another and they were “imitating” like the world and each other. People in nature were “following” their flesh and “do as they do” or “fight as the world fights” like the world.
That’s why Ephesians begins with “be imitators of God” or “Follow God’s example” because we can succeed or overcome the marriage challenges with God's help but we must "die to ourselves or deny ourselves." You don’t want your marriage to be stressed, so God is giving us a very good example by commanding us to “imitate God” so our relationship and friendship can grow towards Christ-likeness.
Remember, God is not asking us to be perfect, for He knows we can never be perfect, but He is asking us to follow His ways and not our ways. And, we have to begin with the right heart between us and God before we make others to be right before God.
This journey begins with our heart first and this is the reason why God’s first great command is for us to love Him with all our hearts. It is when we “Live it Out” with loving Him first, then Ephesians 4:31-32 opens to a whole new world of joy, love, and submission.
Questions to consider (The first step towards "Living Out Ephesians 5:33":
- How can you begin on a daily basis to love God with ALL your heart? Remember, God is not asking others to love Him with all their heart, God is asking you directly to love Him with all our hearts.
- If you are uncertain as to what “Loving God with all your heart” means, please seek God in prayer and the Holy Spirit will reveal to you an amazing journey of unpacking God’s mystery. Pray daily and the Lord will reveal His truth and set you free to love God and to love your neighbor.
- Is there anything to "die to our flesh" or "deny ourselves" and give it to Jesus?
Note: Remember, this is a journey and a long process for many to work towards Living Out Ephesians 5:33, but it begins within our hearts first.