New Chapter: Marriage Part 2
Main Scripture for Study Genesis 24:10-14
A Sign from God
In the weeks leading up to the sermon series New Chapter, I asked some of the married couples to write to me on the following questions:
- What is the one thing about your spouse that was the final confirmation to knowing for certain he/she was the right person for you to marry?
- Did you ever ask God for a sign that he/she was the right person for you to marry?
(Michelle and Abner)
For me and Abner, I didn’t like him or speak to him in the beginning when we first met we met in school in philosophy class. We were also in a group the whole semester and the only time I spoke to him was when we were doing group work. When the semester was about over, we started talking about random things, and then I learned that he is a believer also. So from then on we spoke about everything like church, family, etc. but I always saw him just as a friend
but he liked me more than a friend.
I had a lot of trust issues and I never dated or was in a relationship before Abner so I was just always careful and didn’t want to get hurt, but Abner was respectful and patient. We clicked just like that. Before I met Abner, I asked God that I wanted a husband who loves God, comes from a good Christian family, is educated, knows how to handle money (cause I can’t ) , and is kind-hearted . And that’s exactly how Abner is. Also, when we were courting, I asked God that I want him to propose to me on New Year’s Eve . And Abner did just that. Those two signs were the confirmations from God to me.
Can you ask God for a sign?
In the book of Judges, God tells Gideon to, “Go in this might of yours and save Israel from the hand of Midian; do not I send you?” However, Gideon is uncertain because, “my clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father’s house” (Judges 6:15). In other words, he has doubts about what God really can do and what he can do. He is also indecisive and uncertain, even when God proves he can do it. Gideon still obeyed, but still hesitant and on his first attempt at obeying God, “Gideon took ten men of his servants and did as the Lord had told him. But because he was too afraid of his family and the men of the town to do it by day, he did it by night” (Judges 6:27).
It is interesting when Gideon was afraid of God’s command and uncertain he was given the opportunity and permission to ask for a sign, “If now I have found favor in your eyes, then show me a sign that it is you who speak with me ” (Judges 6:17).
Now all the Midianites and the Amalekites and the people of the East came together, and they crossed the Jordan and encamped in the Valley of Jezreel (Judges 6:33). Even with all the signs from God and His strength and power to support Gideon, he is still asking for a sign.
Judges 6:36-40
36 Then Gideon said to God, “If you will save Israel by my hand, as you have said, 37 behold, I am laying a fleece of wool on the threshing floor. If there is dew on the fleece alone , and it is dry on all the ground , then I shall know that you will save Israel by my hand, as you have said.” 38 And it was so. When he rose early next morning and squeezed the fleece, he wrung enough dew from the fleece to fill a bowl with water. 39 Then Gideon said to God, “Let not your anger burn against me; let me speak just once more. Please let me test just once more with the fleece . Please let it be dry on the fleece only , and on all the ground let there be dew .” 40 And God did so that night; and it was dry on the fleece only, and on all the ground there was dew.
Here Moses was uncertain, afraid, and indecisive about His calling in life and willingness to serve the will of God, even when God spoke to Moses directly, he doubted.
Exodus 3:9-12
9 And now, behold, the cry of the people of Israel has come to me, and I have also seen the oppression with which the Egyptians oppress them. 10 Come, I will send you to Pharaoh that you may bring my people, the children of Israel, out of Egypt.” 11 But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?” 12 He said, “But I will be with you, and this shall be the sign for you , that I have sent you: when you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall serve God on this mountain.”
So God is giving Moses a sign. Can you ask for a sign? Yes! If you are seeking the Lord and have a relationship with Him. Why? Why would God give you a sign? Because a sign from God will strengthen you and give you hope and because He believes in you.
So, what sign was the head servant asking for?
Genesis 24:10-14
10 Then the servant took ten of his master's camels and departed, taking all sorts of choice gifts from his master; and he arose and went to Mesopotamia to the city of Nahor . 11 And he made the camels kneel down outside the city by the well of water at the time of evening, the time when women go out to draw water. 12 And he said, “O Lord, God of my master Abraham, please grant me success today and show steadfast love to my master Abraham. 13 Behold, I am standing by the spring of water, and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water. 14 Let the young woman to whom I shall say, ‘Please let down your jar that I may drink,’ and who shall say, ‘ Drink, and I will water your camels ’—let her be the one whom you have appointed for your servant Isaac. By this I shall know that you have shown steadfast love to my master.”
And God responded with a clear sign from the servant’s prayer. [Please read towards the end]
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(Cece and Danny)
Everyone knows me and Danny's story. But I prayed to God if we were meant to be. Specifically, when he didn't like me (I still can't understand this). I prayed that God would turn my feelings off if we were not meant to be, but feelings got stronger.
So, then I prayed if we were meant to be, to turn his feelings on (Danny) , like a switch, God turned them on. Boom boom bam got married and then a child.
In all, I'm glad we were friends first, despite me enduring a one-sided love for a while. It felt like a kdrama (From Korean Drama Shows) but it all worked out.
Now for a sign. I didn't ask God for a sign but I was given one. [Like Moses]
One day we were at a gas station and Danny prayed for this homeless guy out front, unashamed of people around. One guy originally ignored the homeless man and the guy went into the store but when he came out of the store, he saw Danny praying for the homeless man and he stopped in his tracks and went back and gave the guy some money.
That's when I said, I wanna marry this guy!!
He was not embarrassed to pray for others in unexpected places and his prayer moved someone else heart to help the homeless man.
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(Nicole and Delace)
One thing about Delace that confirmed for certain that he was the man for me was that he had a heart for the Lord and he protected not only me but all the women in his sphere of influence. To be so respected and honored by a young man was not typical in my experience, and even when he developed feelings for me, he wanted to protect my heart. That was an overflow of his love for the Lord and it was obvious that it wasn't just an act.
I definitely DID ask God for a sign
, but it was about the guy I was dating--not about Delace. I ended up meeting with a trusted older woman from our church, and as she was talking with me and praying with me and God was speaking to my heart. In those moments it became abundantly clear that the guy I had been dating but still wanted to reconcile with was NOT the man for me, but rather Delace was exactly the man who had been being prepared to be my husband (poor guy).
I walked out of that meeting, saw Delace, and I knew. I was overjoyed and apprehensive, but there was no doubt in my mind.
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(Young and Brian)
For me and Brian, no big signs. But it was important that everyone approved, including Jade, our dog who is no longer with us. Most of you know how brutally honest the men in my family are. If they don't like my best friend of mine, they will make it known! Everyone including Jade approved.
I don't know if we will ever know if we are right for each other. But I do know that God has been doing work in our lives
And I know he will continue to work…
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(Sangmi and Jae)
At the beginning of 2016, I started praying for my future husband. I prayed to God, I want a husband who loves Jesus the most, is fearing the Lord, and truly believes in the word of God.
A few months later, Jae and I got closer and started dating. Later I found out that Jae had a crush(?) on me and started praying for a relationship in the beginning of 2016 as well.
More importantly, before I met Jae, I was a different person. I always had carried this sinful nature in me- being very negative, dark, and depressed which I wasn't even aware of myself.
During the early stage of our courtship, God revealed my sinful character through our relationship. Through Jae and our relationship, God showed me how sinful I have been during all of my lifetimes. I realized that it always caused issues from my past relationships with people, which I really did not show outside, but deep inside of me, I always have had this ugliness.
As soon as I was aware and acknowledged this sin, I repented before God. I really wanted to be changed, but I knew that I won't be able to change by my own strength. I asked the Holy Spirit who has the power and authority to turn me into a new person. I shared this with Jae and asked for prayers too. My negative character was also affecting Jae, and he was having a hard time as well. I think he was almost ready to end our relationship at that time. I was so sad to see someone who I really liked be hurting because of my weakness for the first time. I was desperate.
God is amazing- as soon as I started to repent and pray, the Holy Spirit covered me with the blood of Jesus, and I could feel that it was gone. I did not know what it was back then, but looking back, I think I was always hopeless and depressed. After this incident, I was different.
People came to me and said, "Sangmi, you look different," "Hey, you look happy these days," etc. Even Jae was recognizing- "You are a different person now."
"to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:22-24 ESV
Later, Jae told me that he was amazed and could truly believe that God can change everything. He told me it was one of the moments that he wants to marry me (씨익). He thought, '*gasp* she decided to change herself for me…?"
We both started to learn that it was not just about us and our relationship but something beyond us. After this, our relationship became stronger.
There are many other things God has been working in our lives, before and after we got married. I also agree with what Young says, God will continue to work and teach us how to obey and glorify Him.
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(Wu and Sue)
In my mid-20s, I had a very rough time- trying to figure out my identity at work, church, and amongst friends. I was also broken from relationships- unhealthy and toxic relationships from the past. During this time, my old church united with another church. Still broken, I wasn't looking for a relationship- in fact, I didn't even bother praying for a significant partner because I was depressed in thinking about having a relationship.
One night (Friday night worship service) I remember seeing Sue praying so fervently after the service was over. I never envied someone so much, because I wanted to have that moment of pure surrender and connection with God through prayer because I was desperate for a change. Who would've thought that the person I envied the most at the time would become the person I would commit to for the rest of my life? It's amazing how God not only shows you what you need but also pairs you up with someone who can remind you for the rest of your life!
I never asked God for a sign, but he did confirm Sue was the one I needed to be with. If you know me, I like to know and learn about a lot of things. In fact, I always thought I could do anything and everything. I was so full of myself, and I was confident that I was always right.
To come and think about it, God had to break me in order to put me on a path that would lead me to the place I am today. And let's just say Sue was the hammer. She was the only person that I've met who stood strong, and tell me what I was doing wrong- to discern what I thought was right but is wrong, and always looking out for what was best for me. To come and think about it, my friends would tell me what I WANT to hear while Sue would tell me things that I NEEDED to hear (still to this day lol).
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Wow!
I am truly thankful for all those married couples who wrote in and addressed those questions with honesty and transparency. God moved everyone’s heart and for some to be given a clear sign for a compatible person for marriage.
This was the case for Isaac. His mother had passed away and his heart was grieving for a compassionate and loving person to be coming along his journey. However, not just any person who has compassion for a hurting person but a very specific plan of God and a specific person that God has in mind. And, this was the case for Rebekah.
When the head servant of Abraham asked God at the end of his 700-mile journey to find a wife for Isaac, he asked for a very specific sign. This was his prayer, “O Lord God of my master Abraham, please grant me success today and show steadfast love to my master Abraham. Behold, I am standing by the spring of water, and the daughters of men of the city are coming out to draw water. Let the young woman to whom I shall say, ‘Please let down your jar that I may drink,’ and who shall say, ‘Drink and I will water your camels’ -Let her be the one whom you have appointed for your servant Isaac. By this, I shall know that you have shown steadfast love to my master” (Genesis 24:12-14).
Not only did Rebekah gave the servant of Abraham a drink when he asked, but she on her own will served even the camels and made sure that they all had water to nourish. It’s not an easy task to fill water for ten camels. Most especially in the near east at that time would not even allow a man to talk to a woman, let alone a young lady, but she gave a man who was thirsty and diligently served to have the animals drink. This tells you something wonderful about Rebekah. Her character was of compassion and willingness to serve those who were weak and to go the extra mile even to help the animals when she didn’t need to.
Most people when they are not required to help others look at the ten large camels and think of this load as overwhelmed and stressed to even consider the hard work. There were many from the city getting water for their own families, yet Rebekah in her heart served the thirsty servant of Abraham and his ten camel’s, along with her own family in which she had to serve. This was the exact compatibility God would connect to Isaac because God knew he needed someone to fulfill’s God’s promise and Rebekah was chosen and sign confirmed through the head servant of Abraham.
When you ask for a sign, God gives you more than one.
The head servant asked for a sign, but he made a vow to Abraham that he would find someone from his hometown. God kept His promise and fulfilled his promise that His seed would carry on towards Jesus, but it all started from the servant's prayer.
Genesis 24:23-27
23 and said, “Please tell me whose daughter you are. Is there room in your father's house for us to spend the night?” 24 She said to him, “I am the daughter of Bethuel the son of Milcah, whom she bore to Nahor .” 25 She added, “We have plenty of both straw and fodder, and room to spend the night.” 26 The man bowed his head and worshiped the Lord 27 and said, “Blessed be the Lord, the God of my master Abraham, who has not forsaken his steadfast love and his faithfulness toward my master. As for me, the Lord has led me in the way to the house of my master's kinsmen.”
There is one thing that I realized was an important aspect about those people asking for a sign from God; they all have a deep relationship with God. From Gideon, Moses, and the head servant of Abraham, they all have a relationship with God and God responded to their relationship by fulfilling their request.
So, can you ask for a sign? Yes, but before asking for a sign, we should ask for a deep relationship with a Living God who is the one who can give us signs.
Questions to consider:
- How is your relationship with Jesus?
- Do you pray often or daily to grow your relationship with God?
- How is your personal devotion to the Word of God? [Your personal devotion through the Word of God (Bible) can help you understand your relationship with God].
- Once you establish your daily relationship with God, what specific signs would you ask God? [Remember, always consider the reasons for asking for a sign. Are the signs to expand God’s kingdom or are they for something else.]